Harry Potter's First Adventure
by The Revenge Seeker
Summary: Harry Potter, Laughs and Fantasy
1. Default Chapter

Potter's First Adventure  
  
Chapter 1  
  
It was a cold grey morning when Harry Potter suddenly awoke after a long night fuelled with drink and drugs. He smiled sleepily as his companion slid their arm around his waist. Spot check! COMPANION??!!! Harry looked down onto the white blonde head of. Draco Malfoy!!!  
He screamed, causing Malfoy to wake up. "alrigh' darlin'?" The Slytherin yawned, blinking as Harry mumbled incoherently at the newly acquired Scottish accent. "What?" "Why. w-why are you in my bed?" He demanded. Draco laughed. "You really where wasted last night eh?" "But you. We CAN'T have done anything!! You don't go that way!" "Eh?" "You only last week boasted about sleeping with every girl in the school!" "Huh? Oh no, you must have misheard me. I said I slept with every ONE in the school! Look around" Harry did so, taking in the sight of at least half the school tangled up in his dormitory. He froze as something moved at the foot of his bed. He screamed again. There were two bodies - One with wild tangled hair and a beard, and one with sallow skin and a hooked nose. "Potter." Snape hissed "I am going to make an exception with the 'No Giving Points' rule" Here he attempted to smile sexily. "After watching you and mister Malfoy, I award you twenty points, and" here he blushed slightly and began to rush his words, "When are you next free?" Harry gulped and turned around as a pouting Malfoy poked him in the back and whispered "Tell him never" Harry's eyes fell from one to the other as he stuttered over his difficult choice: Malfoy or Snape?! 


	2. Ahoy Hoy!

Okay. last time I forgot to mention people who joined me to write the first of these highly amusing stories. Firstly Bex, what would we do without you sweetie? And your very own Shadowz, writer of many Buffy and Redwall fics. It wouldn't be half as dirty with out you either!!!! Now on with Chapter two.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
At this point Ron sat up and looked over. "Ahoy Hoy!" He said, before turning green running to the bathroom. Everyone looked after him. "He's pregnant AGAIN?!" Malfoy asked. Hermione sat up, "Yeah, fifth time this month!" There was a pause. "Right" Snape said "back to the issue in hand! Who will it be Potter?" Malfoy whispered gently into Harry's ear "You know I pleased you more than he ever did." Harry looked over to Hermione for advice but, finding her giving head to Hagrid, turned to Malfoy. "Bloody hell Harry," Ron shouted from the bathroom, where he had his head stuck down the U bend, "will you hurry up?!!"  
Harry began to think very carefully (yes I know that there's a first time for everything). Snape scooted over to Harry's other side. "Come on Potter," he hissed "choose a REAL man" McGonagall and Dumbledore walked over at this point, both wearing red satin pyjamas. McGonagall's lipstick was smudged and Dumbledore's beard was "ruffled". Everyone was watching them. 'A good time to escape' thought Harry, but he was wrong. "Well - Harry - Potter?" Dumbledore asked in that incredibly annoying slow way of his. Harry swore loudly. "I choose."  
**Eastenders Theme Tune**  
  
Join us later to see just how many people do end up bonking each other, so  
for now, Have fun and safe sex.  
lol  
Revenge xxxxxxxxx  
  
*Slaps head* argh!! Disclaimers!! Cmon, everyone knows that we didn't create these highly sex mad characters, If we did do you really think I'd be sitting in the corner of my crypt hunched up over my ancient computer?  
As if! 


	3. Snape washes his hair

Thanks firstly to Bex, what would we do without you sweetie? And your very own Shadowz, writer of many Buffy and Redwall fics. It wouldn't be half as dirty with out you either!!!! As for disclaimers. rearrange this sentence, Characters me create no big.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Two weeks later  
  
Hermione and Ron were walking back up to the boy dormitory for some 'private time' despite the fact that it was perrminatly populated with one giant orgy. They had given up trying to access the girls dorm after Ron had managed to lose Hermione in the crowd whilst attempting to crawl up the now sloping stairs. Sadly he never managed to work out that it was simpler to fly up there by broomstick. Something the other horny boys hadn't had any trouble working out what so ever. Ron turned to Hermione, "So, who did Harry choose?" Hermione shrugged. "They've been there for about fortnight, I think. Talk about suspense" They entered Ron's dorm to find that Snape had WASHED HIS HAIR in a heroic attempt to drive Harry away from Malfoy. This had, obviously, not worked. The two horny teenage boys were currently locked in a potions closet together and sparks were flying. "OUCH! That was my foot!!" Harry hopped around on one foot as best he could in the confined space. "Come here baby!" Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and pulled him closer. "Don't you think Snape is such a greasy prick?" He asked hypocritically with an infamous smirk adorning his face "I'm telling my dad about him"  
At that very moment Lucius Malfoy entered Dumbledore's office, only to find the ancient headmaster humping his chair in practice for McGonagall. "Uh. Is this a bad time?" Lucius asked, eyes firmly fixed on the threadbare carpet. "Oh-no - come - on - in" Lucius did so, but hesitated at the sight of Dumbledore carrying on with the chair. "So - Lucius, - what's - up?" "I was, uh, wondering if you'd seen Dobby?" "He's - helping - professor - Sprout - with - her - cabbages - in - greenhouse - four. Want - to - pass - the - time - with - me?" Lucius 'considered' Dumbledore's slow and decrepit offer, "well you only live once, why not?!" 


End file.
